There's a player on the Yugoslavian football (soccer) team called Stankovic ('STANK-o-vich'). Every time the announcer says his name, I giggle. Ian's getting mad. Hee!
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A day with presents is a very good day, indeed. I'm a lucky, spoilt little girl.
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Things are looking up for John Goodman's new sitcom -- in which he stars as a gay single parent -- as the producers ax Anthony LaPaglia from the cast. Ian and I were sitting in the living room talking on Friday night, with Frasier on the TV as background noise, when suddenly we became aware of the most hideous, off-the-mark attempt at a generic English accent, ever. It was coming from LaPaglia, who's playing Daphne's brother on the show. Man, he sucks. And for all the actors out there, people from Newcastle-upon-Tyne, which is where Daphne is from, do not have the same accent as people from east London, south London, Liverpool, the Home Counties, the West Country, Birmingham or anywhere else in the UK. Take an acting class, please. (Also, Jane Leeves -- despite actually being from England -- does the most ridiculously over the top, not-quite-Geordie accent as Daphne. Though at least she's aware that she's doing it, whereas LaPaglia seems to think he's doing a pretry damn good job.)
--
After an early 2-0 lead, England went on to choke and lose their first match in the Euro 2000 football (soccer) tournament. But look at this picture of my other boyfriend and Posh Spice's husband, David Beckham. Yow. Ian was inconsolable after England lost last night, which basically meant that you spoke to him under threat of having your head bitten off -- yay, another whole month of this!
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STOP PRESS! Garth Brooks's 'Chris Gaines' character concept was a very bad idea. In other breaking news, looking directly at the sun is bad for your eyes.
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I'm just devastated that my boyfriend is going out with Sporty Spice. By 'devastated,' I guess I mean grossed out.
11 June, 2000
I'm gone till Tuesday, but entertain yourselves in my absence by sending anonymous voodoo curses to anyone and everyone who gets on your nerves. Anybody know Eminem's e-mail address?
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Domesticity is getting me down.
9 June, 2000
Speaking of dicks, my latest Queer as Folk recap is now up at Mighty Big TV. Sorry, no rimjobs in this one.
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Quote of the century, from today's edition of the Jon-Jon Diaries: "I wouldn't touch you with a tweezer-held Polaroid of your mother's dick." Hee!
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Gretchen Mol is still working? Someone call Kate Hudson and tell her there's hope for her yet.
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How the hell did the fact that Christina Ricci -- queen of the blank stare and apathetic delivery some call 'acting' -- is starring in the film version of overexposed, undertalented Elizabeth Wurtzel's Prozac Nation escape my roving eye for all things contemptable?
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Do you still care about Prince? I thought not. But here's something that might give you a giggle anyway: He thinks there is now too much emphasis on commercial music. As opposed to the last fifty years, when record companies weren't in the business to turn a profit, right? I think what he really means is that he hasn't written a decent song in six years, and he's mad that people aren't buying his albums just because he's churning them out like rancid butter. Either way, I do not weep for him.
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I know I wrote this almost an hour ago, but I really am going to bed, now.
8 June, 2000
Angelina Jolie is still nuts, but anyone who can make Jay Leno squirm can't be all bad.
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I think I'm one of the few people in the world who have seen less than two episodes of ER. I don't watch much TV anyway (and as little American television as possible), but it was just one of those shows that everybody but everybody watched, and I really didn't feel compelled to watch it just because everyone else did. Well, last night I was helping Ian swap some things over from my PC to his, and ER was on; it was the one where George Clooney surprised everyone with his appearance at the end of the show. Anyway, I really enjoyed it and cried like a little bitch, while Ian shouted, 'This is SO American! You're being manipulated! Stop crying already!' But I couldn't help it, and I immediately checked out Sars's recap of the episode in question when I got up this morning. Again, she totally killed me, and I think Ian will greatly appreciate that English people aren't the only ones who can recognise when they're being hit over the head with irony and emotionally manipulated. Meanwhile, I'm still lame for bawling.
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Celebrities have the worst luck, don't they? I mean, if it's not 'exhaustion' or 'dehydration,' it's 'food poisoning'. Yeah, I 'believe' that, Foxy.
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British Prime Minister Tony Blair has added his voice to those calling for a nationwide boycott of World War II film U-571 for re-writing the history books by portraying what were actually British heroics as the actions of the US Navy. Well, I can't say I really give two shits about that, but it's safe to say I'll be boycotting the film on the grounds of it, you know, sucking.
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Police in Missouri have arrested the first 'Internet serial killer', and so far they've found the bodies of five women. To quote from the article:
Two women have claimed that they were attacked by Robinson in separate incidents, after meeting him over the internet. Both women travelled to the Kansas City area and met Robinson at a hotel for sadomasochistic sexual encounters. But they say he turned brutal and violent.
Expect a barrage of 'What did they expect from a guy who called himself "Slavemaster"? Like, was this really a huge shock?' jokes from the likes of Jay Leno, Jerry Seinfeld and bad comedians everywhere.
7 June, 2000
Gwen's entry for today is very much worth reading (as her writing always is), especially if you just don't get the whole Eminem thing yet...or are otherwise terminally stupid.
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See that button up there, the one about Dana Bobofett's sore ass? Click it, please.
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It would appear that Detroit-Wayne isn't the only Detroit-area airport that's prone to fuck-ups. A bunch of us at Hissyfit were comparing notes on bad airport experiences, and was I surprised at all the bad things people had to say about Detroit-Wayne International? No, no I wasn't.
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Please read this, Eminem fans and apologists. From Salon: Eminem may be the most violent, woman-hating, homophobic rapper ever. Why are critics giving him a pass?. See, if only John Rocker had set his homophobia and hate to a decent tune, no one would have batted an eyelash.
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Following the Sun's story from the other day on how Danniella Westbrook's lost her septum through cocaine abuse, suddenly having holes in your nose is all the rage. To wit, publicity whore Tara Palmer-Tompkinson now claims that she too has a hole in her nose from using so much cocaine. The fact that she has too much (of her father's) money and not a brain to claim leads me to believe it's not the only hole in her head.
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6 June, 2000
Oh, how I love it when journalists condescend to tell people from 'the heartland between the coasts' how stupid and un-worldly they are.
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Deborah, who writes recaps for Mighty Big TV, has just launched Chicklit, 'for women who love words'. It's a great site, and takes me back to the days when I spent hours at a time in the library for the sheer enjoyment of literature. I don't read nearly as much as I used to, but Chicklit has inspired me to go on a book-buying spree this weekend, and I can't wait.
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Somehow, this did not move me to tears. Hillary, for the sake of my gag reflex, kindly piss off.
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Gwen's got a new illustrated story up at her site, and like the Jehovah's Witnesses story, this one will crack your shit up as much as it did mine. Based on her illustrations of fighting in the aisles, drug dealing in class and complete ignorance of the teacher, I think she and I went to the same high school.
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Stee continues to kill me.
5 June, 2000
It seems that 99% of the 'online community' can't stand Mariah Carey, but I don't find that her existence has that much of an effect on my life, to be honest. But, as I'm clearly in the minority on this, here's something for the Mariah haters. The funny thing is, Mel C (Sporty Spice) was on Jerry Springer's UK primetime talk show on Friday, and she was saying that she's had more success with guys since she's gained weight and now has a big old bum on her, to which the men in the audience responded with cheers. So, you know, whatever.
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If the looks of the previous winner are any indication, just about everybody I know could steal the Sexiest Geek Alive prize with ease. That is, if they were sad enough to enter the contest in the first place.
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To save you the horror of actually reading Liz Smith's column (there, I linked to it), I'll just paste the only vaguely interesting thing I've read in it for months:
'Bob Mulholland, a consultant to the California Democratic Party, is celebrated for his unsparing verbal assaults on Republicans. In a gesture that seemed over the top, even for him, he sent former House Speaker Newt Gingrich and his fiancée, Callista Bisek, a $12 gift from their online wedding registry ... a half-dozen dish towels and a cheery note. "Newt; here's a set of dishcloths to clean up the mess with your second wife. Callista, in five years he'll be with another woman. That's his pattern."'
Damn! Wish I'd thought of that.
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Another not-at-all-shocking item: Hillary Clinton is a liar. You don't say?
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Okay, so, celebrities are insufferable bastards. Is this really news to anyone?
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Danniella Westbrook was the worst actress ever to be featured on Eastenders, and her character (Sam Mitchell) was boring and annoying as well. But I would never wish this on anyone. It seems Danni's septum (the bit between the nostrils) has disintegrated due to her cocain abuse. This is where I say 'Ick.'
2 June, 2000
Madonna's latest single, Music, is available on Napster -- something I wouldn't have known if I hadn't read about how pissed off she is about it. Apparently it's still a work-in-progress, but -- having downloaded it immediately after reading that article -- I think they should leave it as is. It's excellent, and one I will definitely be purchasing when the single is released.
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Diarist.net made me do it.
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My recap of the first episode of Queer as Folk is up at Mighty Big TV now. Feel free to go read it, and to post to the forums about the show... Just so I won't be all on my own over there. Also, many thanks to Sarah and Tara for asking me to do the recaps. Extra sugary snacks to Tara for displaying such patience and helpfulness with the myriad of stupid questions I threw at her this week. As soon as I can figure out how to keep it from melting en route, I'm sending you both lots of Cadbury's finest.
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I seriously need to take a cue from Sars, with whom I don't remember growing up, but our households had the exact same rules about which words were allowed and which weren't. We weren't even allowed to say 'hate,' and some other things which my mother told us were euphemisms for anal sex-related nastiness -- I shit you negative. Can anyone confirm or deny the meaning of 'mud puppy' within the context of anal sex? If so, email me. I know what my mom told us it meant, but if she's right, I really don't want to know how she knew.
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STOP PRESS: Justine Bateman isn't dead. Making some joke about the viability of her career would be just too easy, though.
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After having sex in over 3075 public places, Heather Graham and Ed Burns are splitsville. And the nation collectively scratches its ass and yawns.
1 June, 2000
SIGH. Please, Northern Ireland extremists: if you're going to stick bombs all over the place, please confine them to your own assholes.
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The next time you're singing along to The Real Slim Shady, please remember this. I've talked about this ad nauseam at Fametracker, but I still can't believe how many people will pay money for this homophobic shit, or sing along to lyrics such as 'Hate fags? The answer's yes'. Puke.
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Celine, I think that God is trying to tell you something. Take the hint and knock it the hell off with the fertility treatments.
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Honest, the new film starring three of the four All Saints (Natalie Appleton, Nicole Appleton and Melanie Blatt) is a huge flop. Colour me surprised. Actually, Ian and I were going to go see this just for pure train-wreck value, but UCI cinemas have stopped showing it altogether, after less than a week of release. So I guess Ian will have no choice but to buy the DVD, and that has nothing at all to do with the gratuitous topless shots of the Appleton sisters, okay?
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Is Michell Pfeiffer anorexic? More importantly, will she ever be in a decent, profit-making film again?
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Today is the 22nd anniversary of the day I finally learned to walk. The only reason I know that is because it was at my Gramma and Grampa Danicki's house, on their wedding anniversary. Gramma died in 1996, but... Happy 60th Anniversary to them.
31 May, 2000
High on diesel and gasoline, psycho for drum machine
Shaking their bits to the hits
Drag acts, drug acts, suicides, in your dad's suits you hide
Staining his name again
Cracked up, stacked up, 22, psycho for sex and glue
Lost it to Bostik, yeah,
Shaved heads, rave heads, on the pill, got too much time to kill
Get into bands and gangs
Oh, here they come, the beautiful ones, the beautiful ones
Here they come, the beautiful ones, the beautiful ones
Loved up, doved up, hung around, stoned in a lonely town
Shaking their meat to the beat,
High on diesel and gasoline, psycho for drum machine
shaking their bits to the hits
And if your baby's going crazy
That's how you made me...
I never post lyrics here, but I cannot get Suede's Beautiful Ones out of my head, and haven't been able to for days. It's easily one of the most perfect records of all time, and I'd encourage you to get ahold of it if you've never heard it (for some stupid reason, Suede are known as 'the London Suede' in North America; that's as dumb as Charlatans being called 'the Charlatans UK' over there). Napster is good for such things, I hear...
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It's been a long time since the term 'skeezuh' popped into my mind (actually, it was the last time I listened to Salt 'N Pepa -- 'Who, me, a skeeze? Bruthah, please. Y'just havin' bad memories about some sleaze who did the squeeze and had you on your hands and knees...'), but I read this, and that's exactly what I thought.
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Yet more evidence that Al Sharpton really needs to be taken out -- yesterday.
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According to Page Six, 'T[he] battle of the boy bands is so competitive, the Backstreet Boys had to shelve a single because it sounded too similar to a hit by their reviled rivals, *NSYNC.' Yeah, because most of their other songs are so easily discernible from one another.
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The results of Company magazine's poll of the sexiest men in the world are in, and -- praise Allah -- Tom Cruise didn't even make the top 100. I definitely agree that Robbie Williams, Jude Law and Michael Greco are scrummy (photos on this page), and so are Kelly Jones from Stereophonics and my secret boyfriend, Jay Brown. But... Jamie Oliver? I love me some Naked Chef, and I would say he's cute and adorable and sweet... but sexy? Nein.
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Okay, so only a few (read: three) people actually had techinical problems with the re-'design'. Still, that bugs me, so it's back to a fugly set-up. Maybe I'll try to make it prettier soon, but don't hold your breath. If you have problems with this one, please still let me know, and thank you to everyone who said nice things and made suggestions and everything. I really do appreciate your help.
